Have I ever mentioned that I am NOT a morning person or that I start my workday at 7:00 a.m.? Yeah, I am the opposite of my husband who wakes up instantly and leaps from bed. I snarl at his enthusiasm and roll back over, thankful for my 30 minutes left.
When I was a 13, my mom started giving me coffee because I would drag in the morning. She would mix 1/2 hot chocolate and 1/2 coffee and set it on my night table, in the dark…”Must tame the beast”… I don’t think that I was or am THAT bad, but my husband would disagree. He says I need an hour to wake up. It seems like every Saturday he jokingly says, “I’ll get back to you in an hour.”
Every morning at work after the boys are dressed, fed, and our morning is off to a start, I have “coffee time” (or “caupee time” as the boys say it). I even have a song to the tune of “Business Time” from the TV show Flight of the Concords…. “It’s coffee, it’s coffee time”.
[Definition of “coffee time”: The time of the day, usually about 8:30 a.m. when I will sit in a chair with my sweet, french vanilla flavored, wide-mugged delight. The boys know this is MY time. A boy may be allowed to sit with me as long as they are still. They may smell the coffee carefully, feel the hot cup, and point out whatever picture is on the cup of the day, but then it’s MY time. I will usually check the weather. If it’s Friday, I may see if there is a music guest on GMA. The boys love music and they will dance, point to instruments, and cheer along with the crowds in Central Park. They rocked out to Miley Cyrus this morning.]
“Coffee Time” helps me start my day in a positive way. The warmth of the coffee, the settling of my mind (what should we do today?) and the caffeine all work together to kick me in gear. I need it everyday with three 2 year olds.
There is no doubt in my mind that my attitude and demeanor will set the tone for the kids.
Isn’t it like that in all of our relationships? I have a family member that will call me and I will know in the first 10 seconds (by the tone of their voice) if this will be a fun, positive conversation or a heavy, negative one. I always hope it’s the first.
We cannot always choose what each day will give us, we can only choose how we will respond. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade… What if life gives you a toddler with two fistfuls of poo? Then what should I make?…. OK, sorry I went there, but it is a true story.
There are moments daily when I have the choice to make. How will I respond? I cannot get it back. I feel guilty sometimes, as I’m sure all nannies and parents must feel on occasion. I am helping to shape this child’s identity! What a responsibility…. why was I not more patient?
The High5 today came about because I recently found the notes from a workshop at the INA conference. The concept of “being positive” wasn’t something new to me, but was a great encouragement and reminder to use in my relationships with the kids; I do spend so much of my time with them. This is a brief summary – the italicized words are from Karol Ladd, herself, and the rest are my two cents.
High5: Super Powers of a Positive Nanny
“Few things in the world are more powerful that a positive push. A smile. A word of optimism and hope. A “you can do it” when things are tough.” ~Richard. M Devos
5. Attitude
Your attitude will set the tone of the day. Three words to get rid of – “can’t”, “never”, “always”. If you hear these words coming from the kids’ mouths that you care for, check yourself. How often are you using them?
Two questions to ask yourself – “how can I make this work?”, “what do I need to do differently?”. Model the challenge of problem-solving to your kids. They are always watching, and learning too.
4. Focus
It’s important to be specific and purposeful with our actions and words. Train and discipline the negative behavior. It is always a good idea to be consistent with each disciplinarian on the family team. There are certain our team responds to certain behavior – such as “biting”.
Intentionally love for the right things they are doing. We have to be careful to encourage the good behavior before, after, and during the bad behavior. Pick up on the child’s cues and encourage that path of the good choice they are making or even stepping toward. Give them good attention before they have to get the bad attention.
3. Communication
Never underestimate the power of your words. Consider what you say and how you say it. Positive reinforcement statements like, “try again” and “you can do it!” for example, sound simplistic, but the repetitive vocal challenges will soon be mental encouragement to the kids. They will hear the encouragement, even when you are not there. Words – tone, inflection, & volume – have great power.
I remember working with T with a shape sorter. You know the classic one that is a red & blue ball that opens and has something like a dozen different yellow shapes. Back in the day it was very challenging. I must have used the phrase “oops, try again” a million times. One day I came in to find him shrieking in frustration. Without seeing me, he stopped himself and said out loud “oops, try again” in a lovely tone. The million times paid off!
Be sincere and specific, keep the communication open with families. This advice speaks for itself but is not always the easiest to do. If you are having a hard time, consider a different method like keeping a nanny log or giving a hand-written note. Communication is essential for long-term successful positions.
2. Creative Fun
Be creative! Make the best use of stuff you have. Create new stories and games with the toys that you have played with for months. Change location and method for using them. Take the favorites form their world and pretend! Some of our favorites have been pretending the “Step 2 Roller Coaster” was a car wash and pretending the changing table knobs were elevator buttons. Why?…because the boys are very into the car wash and elevators. That is their world, their fun. They have joy in their faces when I create these silly games.
One thing that I would like to do in the future is create “Theme Weeks”. These would be a teaching tool focused on the boys enjoying learning through exploration and experience. As they are getting ready to start pre-school one day a week, we may have our first theme week to help transition them to “school”, “teacher”, and other new experiences that they have no clue about yet. Music, crafts, games, field trips, and lots of conversation – all to reinforce the new lesson. I also want to hang pictures of their teachers and talk about the specifics with the use of a poster, because they love to point to things on the walls. (I’ll let you know how it goes)
1. A healthy well-being
Last, but certainly the most important, is to be more deliberate about your own well-being. Taking the time to make sure that you rest, rejuvenate, exercise, eat right, etc. Rather than put yourself last, put yourself first. Listen to the flight attendant and make sure you can breathe yourself before helping your children. Lessen the stress, pray, let go of failures, forgive others, forgive yourself. Get healthy – mind, body, soul, and spirit. And, if you like coffee, feel free to have “coffee time”!
For a deeper dive check out Karol Ladd’s website www.positivelifeprinciples.com
Another great thought provoking blog post from you Greta! Thanks for the top 5 from that workshop, I was in another one!