I feel like I make this point often about many things nanny related, but it is worth repeating. It is so much easier to navigate a difficult situation when you are following a map. As you enter a position, be open and discuss your place. It may sound something like this. “I am excited to bring my experience into this position and carry-out the morals and ideals of your family. There may be times where our points of view are not completely in agreement. Some decisions and methods will greatly affect the children, so it is my hope that in those moments we will be able to sit down and come come up with a strategy on what to do as a team.” You can then be a united front, all moving towards the same goal, rather than. It is hard to know what those items will be at the beginning with a family, but a simple line in your contract can start it out right. How about…

• The family and nanny desire to work as a team for the benefit of each child. If there is ever a discrepency, the nanny and family will set aside time to come up with a clear guideline, to ensure unity and clarity for the children.

If you as a nanny see an area that needs discussion, communicate. Don’t sweep important items under the rug. I find that quick things can be discussed in passing or through email, but those items that really need strategy are best to do when the children aren’t around. A nanny can shoot an email to her employer that says exactly what she hopes for in the meeting. Explain the time you think it would take and a positive approach to the topic you want to discuss. For example, say that you have noticed Bobby has been hitting and kicking other children recently. You may send an email that says:

“I was hoping that you might have 30 minutes to set aside to sit down with me after the kids go to bed one day next week. I have noticed an increase in Bobby’s aggression towards other children. I would like to hear your observations and see if we might share some ideas on how to help his behavior. I have a few thoughts and possible solutions that I would like to run by you. Would Tues. or Weds. night at 9:00 work for the two of you.”

In that example, you have specifically shared how much time you would like to meet, what you would like to talk about, all with the goal of solution. You have also given them a choice of when to meet, yet showing the priority and importance to you in the phrase “the next week”. What family would not be excited about a nanny that desires to seek to solve a problem that they are probably seeing themselves?

I love to use this method to express my ideas. My experiences and that of families and nannies that I have been in contact with adds up to a great amount of knowledge to be used (AND…Another reason why a community with professional nannies is great to have!) So many times a story of a real situation will show a family that this problem has happened before and it was solved! In some cases, a Dr. or expert point of view will only add to the validity of a solution. Not all solutions benefit every child, therefore it is great to draw from your own experiences and those around you, while you seek out new methods and ideas. As you gather these together, you can come up with multiple solutions and strategies to present to parents as you discuss the situation. It is important to share your thoughts, but to hear what the parents see as the solution and move in that direction. The goal is one team!

I don’t know about you, but I can have all my thoughts lined out, then I get in a meeting it it’s not expressed clearly. Sometimes I may get nervous, something comes out wrong, or I leave in important thought out. I work well with notes clearly expressing my positive solutions. I can hand out a typed sheet of my main points and then speak it out loud. This not only will keep me on point with my intent to share, it will show the family that I am have taken the time to put my thoughts on paper. I care about the children and hope to find a positive answer with whatever is in question.

Often times, nannies are hesitant to renegotiate their contract, ask for a raise or talk money at all with their employer. If you are happy with where you are that is fine, but if you are complaining to anyone but your employer, you are talking to the wrong person. (So stop it, you make nannies look bad!) There are SO MANY resources available online to draw from that point to you as a professional. There are ways to be noticed for being a professional, as discussed in this High5.

After you have met, send a follow-up email to clarify in writing the mutual decision that you came to. My guess is that if it was important enough to meet about, sometimes even during your off-time, than it deserves a clear follow-up. If it applies to your job, request that it be added to your contract and include a sample line of how you hope it reads.

Just as in a romantic relationship or friendship, those straight talks can often pull you closer. Go in with a positive attitude, a willingness to compromise and a listening ear and it may surprise you!