Change. A word that some fear. My husband freaks out if I move a piece of furniture. He does not like change. I do like change, but not just for change sake…when it really is beneficial. Change can be really good, really confusing, really scary – especially if you are a child.
Growing up must be hard. I wish I remembered more than bits and pieces of my early years, then again… maybe I don’t. In December the boys hit “the big 3″… and with this new year comes big transitions. This year has already brought H, T, and N to preschool! We are relying less on our choo-choo (wagon) to get around and instead holding hands and listening. Boys are able to dress themselves with some assistance and potty training (or trained). Big leaps for these little legs.
A few weeks ago, we found ourselves in the midst of an unexpected change. Like a lot of multiples, the triplets share a room; three cribs all lined up.
Last year when their super-monkey powers were elevated, thanks to weekly adventures at Lunken Playground, crib tents were added to protect them from falling out of bed.
The boys loved them initially and did very well for awhile. H never wanted his zipped but also never climbed out. T on the other hand loved the comfort of zipping himself in. After being agressively zipped by an excited boy one too many times, T’s zipper broke. H’s tent moved to T’s bed and H went without. All was fine until T’s 2nd tent ripped. The boys could now see each other and this turned naptime into playtime. A week or so later N’s crib tent ripped ….
Dun-dun-duuun-daaaaaa!!!
While the replacements were on order, chaos ensued. The boys didn’t mind; this was a blast to them. Without cribtents they could all see each other’s quick, animated reactions to any of their toddler jokes. H who had stayed in his bed for months without a tent began to venture out onto the tops of the other beds. Soon T followed suit and I walked in to find him creatively falling through 2 of the cribs. I caught him in time, but at that point I knew something needed to change.
Conversations between all the adults began to happen. We strategized, asked questions, gave it a few extra tries then confirmed, yes…. CHANGE. The boys were asking us for it and showing us that they were ready. Conveniently at the same time, Mom (who is a heck of shopper) had scored some toddler car beds. She is always prepared ahead of time, which has made life with triplets so much easier for all of us. T in particular was dying to get into his car bed. Was this enough motivation to keep 3 boys from in their own big-boy beds, choosing to sleep? We hoped, but doubted.
I must pause to tell you that one popular method for triplets is to close them in a baby-proofed room and let them tire themselves out. They eventually do sleep, after wrestling, playing, and destroying much of the room. Have you seen it on Supernanny? While I can certainly understand the “I don’t know what else to do?-Method, I choose to think that there has to be a better way.
So back to the story…
After a few days of failing naps our team decided to enforce…
Strategy Number #1: Back to Bed, and Repeat.
Boys must stay in their cribs. They might not fall asleep at naps but they WILL stay in their cribs. If a boy got out of his crib, we put him right back. Simple, right? Yeah, simple….. If you think that you are strong and patient then you haven’t met N. H and T did well following directions with the promise of “once you learn to stay in your crib, you may sleep in a car bed” (plan was to move one car bed in at a time, using the motivation t our advantage). T wanted that car bed like it was a cockpit of buttons (inside joke), so he stayed in his crib. H does not like to be in trouble, so he also stayed in his crib mostly, but coaxed N to climb out. N thinks everything is a game, and was happy to listen to H’s ideas. So he was the challenge. I channeled a mix of Supernanny meets Wonderman (gone mute). After saying goodnight and repeating the rules, I left the room. At the coaxing and cheers of H, N pushed the boundary and climbed out of his crib. Without eye contact, I returned him back to his crib…. and the games began. Again. Again. Again. And Again. One day for almost 3 hours. Again. After a few days it got better. It was mentally and physically hard; straining to lift a 35 lb. boy back into the crib over and over.
After a weekend with Mom, Dad, and Nana, we decided to rethink our strategy.We thought, well they are 3 now, …
Maybe they are ready to drop naps?
If they do drop naps, maybe they will sleep better at night and stay in their beds?
Should we try a quiet time?
Strategy Number 2: Quiet Time.
I knew this was going to be a challenge, but I was up for it. I knew that I needed a well-suited plan and I needed a strong will. I was glad it was a Monday, when my Nanny battery had a full charge. The boys work week in a routine, especially when transitioning. So I know that repetitive phrases/words and method would help. For nap time we had allowed the boys to watch 20-30 minutes of a show on the couch, this would calm them a little. We changed that to be a whole long movie as the layed down on a sleeping bag. They may or may not fall asleep, but at least they will be resting during quiet time. The issue comes only if a boy gets up or is using a loud distracting voice , I don’t say a word but “1-2-3”. If I get to 3 and the boy is not quiet or laying down, I take the boy to timeout in another room. After the timeout I say the rules again, give hugs and send them back to their sleeping bag and repeat as needed. Quiet time meant that they needed to rest quietly, but not necessarily go to sleep.
N, of course, was my tester. The first day N was up for the challenge, but after a full 3 hours of timeouts, he now will stay on his sleeping bag or get up only 1-2 times. Even today he was off the sleeping bag 2 times before going to sleep. Quiet Time has actually become naptime downstairs, as all boys are falling asleep for me quicker. They are actually sleeping longer!
The boys are also in their car beds at night. H and T are not getting out of bed and calling for us in the mornings when they wake. N is still getting out of bed for his parents at night, and getting out of bed without out us in the mornings, but we are keeping to the routine there too. So hopefully it will get better. Though it is not flawless, it is far better than the “I don’t know what else to do method”. Boys are enjoying their beds and sleeping bags. Boys are sleeping!
Here is N, Elmo Slippers and all, he always manages to twist around. Too Cute!
So I hope this little transition story has helped you in some way. Wether you have multiples or not, older kids or younger, they are all experiencing change in one form or another. I have put together points that I hope can help any Nanny-Family Team as they power through the daily challenges with growing children.
High5: A Routine For Change
5. Gather Resources
No matter what the change is good or bad, there has to be someone that is has been there before. Workshops and books are great resources, but nothing is better for quick research than the internet. A simple google search may find you more than enough information. Think of joining a local or national chat board/forum. There are many specifically for mothers and some for Nannies as well. Get knowledgeable about what has worked and what hasn’t. More importantly, find whhat seems like it would be a fit for your family dynamic – as it has to be consistent between all the adults! Nanny Blogs are a great place to reference as well. Some of my favorites are Regarding Nannies and Best Nanny Newsletter. A few months back, the Best Nanny Newsletter Blog did weeks worth of research on different methods of potty training. I was so excited that she had done the work for me 🙂 I copied and pasted into a word document and after this transition is complete, I would like to strategize on the complete potty training H… is having random successes and showing he is ready.
4. Make a Plan
Now that you have done some research, put a plan together, this may have different strategies. Walk through what you are doing now in your head and create a comfortable routine that your kids will adapt to. In my example, we kept the TV before nap because this has eased them into it. We also kept them in the same room, as they are used to being together. My secret weapon was the new sleeping bags for each boy. Instead of sitting up on a crowded couch, they would have room to lay down encouraging their bodies to rest. I could also control the space in between them to avoid distractions.
3. Communicate for Consistency
Before any big change is executed, communicate with all that are involved. What good is a great plan if we cannot carry out this plan? Kids do better when the rules are the same all the way around and there is a lot less confusion.
I made this mistake this summer. After returning on a Monday to work I found out that H had requested to go potty and did! Dad gave me the encouragement that he is showing the signs, and I took that as a cue to start potty training. After all, it was summer, less clothes were needed, we had all the potties/seats, and had tossed around different methods over time with the parents. I am always extra motivated on Mondays anyway and so I thought, hey lets go for it. I was excited and H was excited and I wanted to use that! It was a constant conversation with the adults about potty training, and I really wanted to complete my S.M.A.R.T. Goals for that year and only had 1-2 months to go. My problem is that I did not communicate a specific plan with Mom, Dad, and Nana before executing. I had set a plan into action and we were not able to keep a consistency with the boys. I definitely regret that, I have to wonder if I would have put things on paper and sat down for a family team meeting, if the boys would have been more receiving. I did learn a lot from my first try in training multiples, mainly the boys thrive with routine. Some good things came out of it: (1) knowledge of the potty, what you do with it, how you do it – had been taught. (2) A few months later, without prompting N decided he was ready to potty. He is now day trained completely after the basics he learned in our summer try. (3) T and H have had moments of success over the last 6 months.
I share with you this mistake as a motivator. It sure has come to my mind as an encouragement to make a shared decision with the family team this time around. It never hurts to get into the details… I wrote down 2 pages of my exact actions, words and cues for the boys’ Quiet Time, in hopes that we provide the consistent routine.
2. Don’t Give Up
There will always be a learning curve and resistance from children with change. Think of it as them just doing their job as kids. Really, they have a full-time job of testing and adjusting to this world. When given a boundary they will test to see if this is REALLY the boundary or if they can push it just a little farther. We love the kids in our care and we want them to be happy. Of course, it would be natural to respond to the grins and giggles and give in on our boundaries… or the whines and screams to simply make them stop. What we don’t realize is that difficult moment is the exact moment where we CANNOT give in. Having trouble being tough? Go to ABC.com and watch a few episodes of Supernanny! (She has had 2 families with triplets this season). She is tough and loving, and you CAN be both. Be strong in your mind. Pray for patience and self-control. You are teaching these children how they will respond to the situations in their own life – tools for their little Bob the Builder tool belts.
1. Make Adjustments
There is a balance to the routine and not giving in… and that is adjusting. With every great plan brings imperfection. While I would encourage you not to change too much from the plan until you have given it a long, good effort, there may need to be room to give.
For example: Ten minutes in one day, all boys quietly watching their show, N says I need to go potty. I motioned yes and brought him to the potty, he did his business and went back to the sleeping bag. Where this could tend to be a manipulation to get up, I wanted to encourage the potty. I tried to make the event as quiet and boring as possible. Then I sent him right back.
Touch base with the parents after a period of time? What changes and adjustments need to be made? Then keep going forward, encouraging all the way!
Thanks to our family team for letting me share these pictures this week!
