“What does a Nanny want?” Sounds a like a loaded question to me….either from someone that has found a Nanny hard to please or, just possibly, by someone who really has the desire to find the answer. I responded to the question by Marsha Epstein of American Nanny Company , who been serving Families and Nannies in the Boston Area since 1984. She really does have that desire to find the answer and enrich the lives of her clients and the Nannies they employ.
So, I will share with her (and you) my opinion on the matter. I have been fortunate enough to meet Nannies who feel similar and I hope to represent them well. I have limited my list to my top five.
High5: What a Does a Nanny Want?
5. Nannies Want…Quality Parents/Employer
Nannies love children, that is a given. Connecting, loving, and training kids is not usually the challenging part of our jobs. Most always it’s navigating into an already moving, unique family stream. As I have told many Nannies as they are preparing to interview, “Remember, it’s not usually the kids that you will have issues with, it’s the parents. Make sure that you are a fit.” Finding the balance of living out your personal values with a family that has their own. It’s learning to compromise and mold without compromising too much. Bottom line, Nannies want employers with character. We want to be able to trust the agreements made and words spoken. Nannies want parents who genuinely love their children, and are involved in their daily challenges and growth. I would even step out to say this is the most important factor in a Nanny/Family relationship. Without quality Parents/Employers at the foundation, a position can never be completely satisfying to a Nanny, and will be stifiled early in the relationship. [The same is equally true about Nannies. Families will never be happy with an employee they feel they cannot trust, no matter how much she loves the children]. Choose wisely.
4. Nannies Want…To be Respected as Professionals
Due to the vastness of the industry, Nannies continue having a hard time explaining themselves as professionals. What is the difference in a “Nanny” and a “Professional Nanny”? In my opinion, a Nanny is employed to care for children. A Professional Nanny, is also employed to care fore children, but considers this a career where they feel challenged and have a desire to grow in method, experience, and education. A Professional Nanny may feel responsible to give back to the community locally or nationally, participating out their desire to see the industry grow. Because Nannies are working in the home, a servant mentality can be accepted. This can be very detrimental to the Nanny/Family dynamic.Nannies do not want to be thought of as someone who is paid to do the “dirty, unwanted, unimportant, work”. Don’t we usually hire someone to do the work we simply don’t want to do? However, when it is implied that the children are this unimportant work, this is definitely not good. I sometimes wonder why Nannies are not esteemed with teachers and tutors? Is it because we are employed in the home? Is it because we are misunderstood? Is it because we often don’t expect and require the respect that is due to us? Probably a combination. I think that we simply would like the “Golden Rule” to be lived in our work relationships. “Do unto others as you would have done to you.” What does this mean on a day-to-day basis? For example, let’s say in a pre-arranged agreement that the kitchen/household dishes are the Nanny’s responsibility. Each day when she leaves work she strives to leave the dishwasher ready for dirty dishes, the counters wiped clean, and the clean dishes each put away in their place. That should communicate respect and preparation to the parents to utilize the kitchen in the evening. How can they show this respect back? Simply doing the same for the Nanny. Yes, the Nanny is hired (paid!) to care for the children and environment they live in, but that doesn’t mean that the Nanny is soley responsible for ALL the care, does it? Parents, you may look at it as how you and your spouse treat each other. Better yet, how you and a roommate would treat each other with mutual respect. A Nanny-Employee relationship must have the balance of authority-submission and mutual respect. It is a fine line to walk, so try and do it carefully. There are many things beyond mutual respect that Nannies may look for in a professional realtionship. Some examples are: contract/work agreement (updated on a regular basis), health insurance benefits, mileage reimbursement or use of the families’ vehicle, raises and bonuses. Anything and everything that an executive may expect, should be an opportunity for a Professional Nanny. This of course, is always dependent on the individual’s experience, education, and job performance.
3. Nannies Want…Opportunities for Growth/Challenge
In any long-term, professional position, there is always the opportunity to grow. Whether is moving “up the corporate ladder”, getting a promotion, taking a small business to the next level, or earning additional benefits or a pay raise. As a Professional Nanny, we have goals and hopes for our careers. There are currently many National Affiliations that a Nanny can be a part of. There are specifically designed conferences for Professional Nannies and Retreats for them to get away with a community of others in the industry. There are also an abundance of education opportunities locally, nationally, and internationally. Families should encourage and reward all growth and training the a Professional Nanny wants to take on. A few ways to do that are: financial compensation (for all or part of conferences, workshops, college courses), paid professional days – give them the time off to attend the trainings, or pay their yearly affiliation fees. One other idea, that has been successful for my position, is developing yearly goals. Each year, the Parents create a list of appropriate milestones to be achieved by the end the year’s contract. This is done with the Nanny’s help, and is rewarded.
2. Nannies Want…To be Appreciated
Nannies really want to know that they are making a difference in the families they work with. Too often, Nannies are taken for granted! So, Parents, take care of the Nanny that you love. Show them you care in special, specific ways. Remember their birthday. Remember National Nanny Recognition Week each September. Validate them with your words of encouragement. Give them little gifts. Give them time off. Give them a raise! How would your boss show you that you are appreciated? Start there, then be creative! Teach your children to value their care-giver. If your Nanny is affiliated with the International Nanny Association, think about nominating them for “Nanny of the Year”. Never let your Nanny feel unwanted or unneeded, she may start looking for a new position.
1. Nannies Want….To be an Integral Part of a Caring Team
Moms and Dads, Nannies are certainly NOT looking to be your children’s parents. Only you can fill those shoes. Professional Nannies simply want to be a part of that family team. Working together is essential. Communication is vital. Both sides must look at suggestions and guidance as a possible solution not criticism. Decision-making on discipline, routine, goals, and growth should be shared by the team; the Parents always have the final say and responsibility for the children. Ideas: Set up regular meetings (yearly, bi-yearly, quarterly), keep a daily written “Nanny Log”(communication from all). Set written goals to be achieved by working together. When we are all on the same page, we can move and grow together after the same goals, benefiting all involved!
After all that said, the way you are treated is not just by chance. You have put out there what you want to get back. Some would call it “karma”…I prefer to say “You will reap what you sow”. Nannies, earn the respect that you feel you deserve. Parents, give grace and grace will be given back. Serve each other! Respect each other! If you only take one thing with you, remember to live that Golden Rule…