I went to lunch with a good friend of mine, today. It was one of those three hour lunches where you feel like you are constantly talking and yet still have so much to say. I used to work closely with Jeannine when I was an Assistant to Youth Pastor (Jr . & Sr. High Students) at a large church here in Cincinnati. Jeannine has two sons, one just graduated college and the other has just left the house for his freshman year. She told me how she didn’t expect to feel this “empty nest thing” again; she thought she should be used to it after 4 years of one son leaving. I watched her well up with tears of compassion, pride, and some loss toward her boys. I thought to myself, “Wow! She is a good mom. She has great kids. I want to be like her.” She has indeed been a mentor to me over the last ten years, through example and friendship. She is in the phase of life where she is letting go as her boys become independent – on their own – becoming men.
I am not in her phase. Or am I?
Later on in our conversation, I was talking to her about my job, passions, cincynanny, and the dreams in my head. She had lots of questions about my work and how I handle the boys. What they are learning and doing. She was enthralled with our goals for the boys. (This is part of my yearly contract/bonus – S.M.A.R.T Goals – our family team (parents, grandparents, nanny) work together toward their age-appropriate milestones. As I explained the ins and outs and what they were achieving, she only had more questions. This whole last year, we have been helping the boys prepare for preschool the best we knew how. [Too bad potty training hasn’t fully taken yet, but we are working on it.] And now it’s D-day. Preschool starts next week. We meet the teachers tomorrow. And something hit me… this time the tears of compassion, pride, and some loss welled up in MY eyes. It was a total surprise. I suddenly connected with Jeannine on what she must be feeling. Except these weren’t my sons. I joked with her, “this shouldn’t happen”. Her reply was “you obviously care about them very much”.
The attachment I have to ALL the kids I have cared for is unexplainable.
C and I always sang ‘The Little Mermaid’ together. I cannot watch the movie without thinking about sweeping the kitchen floor and singing into the broom handle.
M was shy boy in a family with two older sisters. Both girls were overly affectionate with me and he felt a little uncomfortable with it. I would stay with them for a week at a time as their parents traveled we would have a lot of “tucking in”. Prayers, hugs and kisses were the norm with the girls, but as for M and me – we created a “toe kiss”. This was our inside thing, where we’d bump toes and say “toe kiss”.
J is my cousin by marriage and the youngest of his family. Because of his place he gets picked on a lot and yet handles it with grace. We connected my first meeting with the Schraer family, as I was initiated by taking my fair share of the “picking”. I had to go around and name each of the 26 Schraers, by name, while everyone waited for me to mess up. J sat next to me, seeming to be my only ally in the room. He has since been my buddy, greeting me with his “Hi Greta” and super-squeeze.
With B and B (twin girls) we had a a silly sound (“Hhuh“) that we would make as we stuck our top teeth out over our bottom. I don’t really remember where it came from, but that they found it hilarious. They would always run up to me instead of saying “Hi”, they’d say “Hhuh“.
P is with me every time I drive by a Fish Hatchery in town. When he was 3, we would drive the same route on the way to a play group each Wednesday and say “Hi Fishies!” And though he is now a big freshman in high school, I still hear his sweet little voice every time I drive by. I went through the preschool thing with him too.
As Nannies, we are creating memories with our kids. They are precious, silly, challenging, and lasting. How can we not bond with them?
I have met a lot of Professional Nannies this last year and for the first time have heard the word “charge” used as a noun, a person. A charge is simply “the person or thing committed to the care of another”. I can totally respect that the Nannies are using a terminology in a role as a professional, but I just have not been able to use it myself. For me it’s too informal. It’s too cold. Every Nanny has a unique identity and purpose with those they care for. Each Nanny-Family relationship is a different dynamic from any other. For me, my ultimate goal as a care-giver with is the perfect balance of authority and love.
Do you love your kids?
Do you tell your kids that you love them?
Is that acceptable?
I guess each Nanny/Family must decide for themselves what is appropriate. As for me, I cannot imagine not being able to squeeze them, kiss them, and tell them I love them. I love to kiss baby cheeks. I love to tickle toddlers. I love to talk to teens about their crushes. And, though it may sound crazy I even love middle-schoolers – I taught Sunday School to 6th-8th graders for 6 years. Though I do not love the kids to the degree that I LOVE my husband, I do love them very much. And these 3 boys? Oh, yes, I love them.
So they start pre-school next week and after today, I am afraid that I am going to cry and look like an idiot. After all I did already cry this morning THINKING about it.
I am extremely proud of them. They are such individuals (though they may look the same to you). They live each day to the fullest. They love to learn – see new things, hear new things… if only they would taste new things! They are sweet to people they meet. They share at the park. They have so much joy and amazing sense of humors. Looking back the time with them has passed so quickly. And now, just like Jeannine’s sons, they are joining the world as little men. They will go off on their own to fin for themselves…for 2.5 hours, 1 day a week. Exciting and scary.
So maybe I am like Jeannine. I am not their Mother, but they are mine!
