Have you ever been laughed at during a timeout? Run laps to chase a kid down? My all-time worst (and favorite) was being flirted with to try to ease out of discipline – batting eyes, head tilt, and coy grin! Kids are smart. Kids can be manipulative. Kids will be kids. As much as they look to be independent, they are really relying on us for structure, boundaries, and consistency.
So much of what we actually say is HOW we say it. I once heard someone say that communication is only 10% words and 90% tone, articulation, & facial expression. Add that to the context of guiding and teaching children at their level, and it takes careful thought to method to get the attention of an energetic kid.
Many times “in the moment” of discipline my thoughts go to the Supernanny episodes I have watched. Each child shared a common “deer in headlights” look as they encountered her authoritative presence. Jo Frost has a quality that she teaches in her book, Supernanny: How to Get the Best of Your Children. Below is my adaption from the principles in the above mentioned book.
High5 Friday: Using Your “Voice of Authority”
When in a moment of teaching/discipline….
5. Talk close to the child. Do not raise your voice from another room.
4. Get down at eye level. Your height can be threatening and overwhelming for a small child. Kneel or sit so that you are able to establish direct eye contact. Ask the child to look in your eyes. Use “please” as to not command respect but ask for it. Sometimes holding their hands or arms will encourage them to be still and listen.
3. Speak clearly. Use short, simple phrases that are not above their vocabulary or understanding. Refrain from long, emotional lectures. State the facts and move on.
2. Use a low, firm, authoritative tone. Do not be angry. Do not threaten or belittle them. Communicate displeasure and that you mean business.
1. Change your tone appropriately. At the end of the discipline (sealed with an apology and hug from the child) your tone should change. The situation is over. Forgiven. Your tone and presence should communicate that.